Some Wisdom from an Old Player

Avoid if aliens with wierd sucking mouths are after you and you are short on time.

Ok so now I't;ve finished the game a few times. With the exception of Furnace and Titan quests, I't;ve done every single quest, mission and bonus more than once. Some a dozen times.

So I thought, I't;ve played the game so much I must have a few shreds of wisdom to share with the young't;uns? And lo and behold there was a glimmer of light (yea outta my butt, hence the phrase I talk outta my rear)

WARNING, THESE TIPS WILL MAKE NOT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER. Learn from me. Join me, and together we will rule the dark side:

1) As you all know you can have 4 bags to carry stuff in the game. They are invisible and magical. After close investigation and research I have discovered that your back pack is located on the inside of your weapon hand thigh just below your butt. Don't;t believe me? Try pulling a weapon into your hand from there. The belt bag is located just below your bottom rib on the right hand side, and the two extra bags are as far as I can tell on on your right hand arm and the other tied around the left side of your head. Detailed reports and pictures can be provided.

2) I have contemplated for a long time how it is possible to carry money around in GW. And how magically if you collect 1000 coins it turns into a platinum bar. A mystery of the ancients to be sure. But the reality is oh so simple! The so called "Gold coins" are nothing more than puzzle pieces! Yes it't;s true! Most with a yellow background. But like any good jigsaw, you put them together and VOILA!!! A Picture of a platinum bar! Sweet eh? Ingenious! Why the hell do you think Little Thom is always scratching his head? He't;s still holding on to 4000 puzzle pieces.

3) Beggers (in GW) are usually not smart. Have you ever met someone who doesn't;t want to get anything for themselves, and just wants to be given all the best stuff and power leveled all the way? Have you ever tested their intelligence? I found most of them to have an IQ of around 42ish. You just help them along and in your conversations slip in some random IQ questions along the way. It't;s quite amusing. "So, uh, XXX (name omitted), what't;s 583535 divided by 0.245225? HUH? QUICK! ANSWER ME!!!!". Of course most don't;t complete the test, annoyed by all the questions, thus the low scores... hmmmm I guess I should work on my technique.

4) No matter how crappy your posts in the forums are. At least one person will read them. I have tested this theory on other guild sites. I post random things there, like, oh one time I posted a really long 4 page note on various types of flatulence. Some guy actually wrote back to contest something on the 3rd page. Sheesh.

5) FoW is kinda like going to a party in Hell. Lots to do. People jumping around all over the place. Great costumes. Then, you die.

6) If you write in CAPS PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE SHOUTING. I never knew really how this got ingrained into my brain. Why do I THINK PEOPLE ARE SHOUTING WHEN THEY WRITE IN CAPS? Why do I find that annoying? Then it occured to me. Capital letters are ugly, stinky and scary. Small letters are cute, cudly, and tasty. Everyone likes cute, no one likes ugly. I can hear you all going "oooohhhhhhhh". Give me a break, come here, LMPYITE and stop SHOUTING.

7) Officers are not the same. Just because Dante seems to know everything about everything does not mean that I do. Just because Uncle is practically a trivia dictionary does not mean that I am. Just because Undead brushes his teeth every day... er wait, nevermind, we are all exactly the same.

Ok now that you are all smart and wise go spread the wealth. Teach the unschooled and beat them over the head until they get it.